Book Reviews

Divorce - Hope for the Hurting 

Frank Retief, ISBN 1-86823-177-1, Struik Christian Books

Writing from long pastoral experience and backed by careful Bible study, Frank Retief provides a definitive guide to the whole issue of divorce. With deep understanding he provides guidance for those who are torn between an impossible marriage situation and their desire to be obedient to God.

To form a basis for the book, the author summarizes the most common myths regarding divorce and briefly discusses the emotional, social, economic and spiritual devastation brought on by a divorce which could easily lead to uncharacteristic behaviour of affected parties.

The question whether your marriage can be saved is discussed by exploring practical situations under which a marriage can or cannot be saved. Marriage is a matter of commitment and if one party abandons that commitment, there is not much hope.

The Biblical perspective for reconciliation is explained and guidelines are provided for the process to be followed when reconciliation are possible. Attempts at reconciliation may fail and these conditions, as well as the situations where reconciliation is not advised and in some cases not permitted, are also examined and discussed.

Jesus always taught against the background of Old Testament understanding and the practices current in His day. Therefore to understand accurately the teaching of the Bible on the topic of divorce, both Old and New Testament passages are taken into account and explained in explicit detail.

The reader is given the opportunity to reflect on the expectations of marriage, what factors influenced the decision to marry and what disappointments followed. The reader is reminded that marriage is more than sentiment or emotions. It is a contract entered into before God. The factors implied by true commitment are discussed.

When God, through Moses, regulated divorce, it was already a well-established practise. Marriage is instituted by God. Divorce was not instituted but is regulated by God. When there is no repentance and no willingness to obey God and to deny self, divorce may be the only option. The Christian way out if everything has been tried and all has failed, is briefly discussed to ensure Christian conduct and to still leave an opportunity for reconciliation.

The Biblical view of remarriage is examined by careful explanation of several New Testament passages. A few practical guidelines are provided in terms of factors that need to be taken into consideration before committing yourself to a new partner. If your marriage failed, it would be foolish to rush into a second without resolving the issues that could have contributed to the breakdown of the first.

The s*x dilemma divorcees face, is discussed and Biblical, practical and logical reasons as to why to abstain are given. The different types of regret, loss of self-worth, guilt and moods you might be facing and the ways to deal with it are discussed.

Sometimes problems have accumulated over a period of time and both parties may share the blame, but often one partner is not willing to keep the vows, maintain the marriage or get the necessary help. Guidance is given to the guilty partner for the way forward.

The Biblical viewpoints, consequences and practical implications regarding domestic violence are examined. Practical guidelines are also given to the victim for dealing with the situation.

As you grow spiritually, you will increasingly understand more about human nature and what went wrong in your marriage. You will slowly get things in perspective and be able to cope with your feelings. Jesus is indeed the only ultimate hope for the hurting. If and when a new relationship develops, you will be better able to assess things and by following the doctrines and principles in God’s Word, you will have new foundations on which to build.

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