Book Reviews

The Christian Family  

Larry Christenson, ISBN 0-87123-114-X, Bethany House Publishers

In this book, the author takes the time to explain God’s plan for the Family and how God intends that it be carried out. He encourages parents to exercise their priesthood and presents an abundance of ways to enrich daily family worship. The family belongs to God because He created it, determined its inner structure and appointed for it its purpose and goal. A Christian family is a family that lives together with Jesus, and thus the secret of good family life is to cultivate the family’s relationship with Jesus.

“Divine Order” is an order of authority and responsibility which is spelt out in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 11:3 and Colossians 3:20. God has ordered the family according to the principle of “headship” and each member of the family lives under the authority of the “head” whom God has appointed. God’s order for mates is stated in Genesis 2:24. To “cleave” to one’s mate takes in every aspect of the relationship between husband and wife. Complete physical intimacy is a creation of God who also gave definite instructions for its right expression in the relationship of marriage. Without that union the marriage is no marriage. The role of s~x in marriage and its relation to other aspects of marriage is discussed.

In a family, the wife is the link between husband and children. When she lives according to Divine Order, it will tend to draw both husband and children into order. God did not give the law of wives being submissive to their husbands because He had a grudge against women, but to establish the order for the protection of woman and the harmony of the home. God has given wives the opportunity to choose freely the submissive role. Proverbs 31:10-31 presents the Bible’s most complete and beautiful picture of what a good wife should be, but which she is encouraged to by a husband who expresses his unqualified appreciation for her. A woman’s vulnerability does not stop at the physical level, but includes also vulnerability at the emotional, psychological and spiritual level. Here too, she needs a husband’s authority and protection. A mother should not have to ask for respect from the children. The children should know that behind the mother stands the authority of the father.

The husband also stands as a shield and protector to his wife against assault from the unseen world of principalities and powers. A husband’s authority and a wife’s submissiveness to that authority, is a shield of protection against satan’s devices. It is the husband, not the wife, who is primarily responsible for what goes on in the home, the community and the church.

The Bible teaches a subordination of the wife to her husband in Genesis 3:16 – 19 and Colossians 3:18. This is not changed to a social equality between men and women through Galatians 3:27 - 28. Rather, the latter refers to the position of men and women in their relationship to God. The difference between submissiveness and servility is also pointed out.

Some practical warnings are given for the scenarios where husbands become assistant mothers in their own homes. A wife who shifts all the unpleasant household chores to her husband is downgrading her own activities in the eyes of her children. The blurring of mother-father roles can have harmful effects on the children. A practical example is also given to illustrate that, what the wife had failed to achieve by her own direct efforts, God brought about as she became submissive to her husband’s authority.

God’s order for children is stated in Colossians 3:20 and Ephesians 6:1-3. A child’s relationship to Jesus thrives in direct relation to the obedience which he gives to his parents. Modern methods of child-raising make much of a child’s intuitive sense of right and wrong. The Bible, however, does not teach to obey the parent if they are right. The Bible teaches “Obey your parents in everything”. The responsibility of decision rests with the parent. The child’s responsibility is simply to obey. There however are certain commandments which the child too must know, that to overstep such commandments would no longer be “obedience in the Lord”.

The authority of parents is not their own authority, but one given them by God. A parent may not withhold authority because of his own unworthiness. In submission to the parent’s will, children learn to submit to a will higher than their own.

A Parent’s calling is found in the single sentence in Ephesians 6:4, where the Apostle Paul summarizes God’s Order for Parents under the aspect of three basic commandments: Love, Discipline and Teach. God Himself begins with teaching by giving us knowledge of the truth. Where the teaching is rejected or ignored, He disciplines and the discipline is not light yet in support of His love. The Lord disciplines him whom He loves and chastises every son whom He receives.

Part of the calling of a parent is to help the child discover what it is that God means him individually to be and do. Each child is different and the parent must deal with each under the leading of the Holy Spirit and be on guard lest they visit upon a child something of their own desire and ambition. It is the parent’s responsibility to see that a child understands exactly what is expected of him. Not only must he understand mentally, but he must be helped and shown how to carry out a command correctly. This starts with basic instructions such as table manners and how to tie a shoe.

Two opposite and equal dangers exist in the teaching of children – No firmly set rules on one hand, and an over-supply of petty regulations on the other. Children thrive on set order and routine. One help in simplifying rules is to use the principle of absolute time-limitation. The parent must also continually keep in mind the fact that a child’s desire for freedom runs ahead of his capacity for freedom. Sensible rules and restraints, set up by the adult community, are a necessary protection for young people.

God holds you as parent accountable for the discipline of your children. The Biblical perspective of disciplining of children as well as the role and use of the rod is discussed in fine detail.

A husband who loves his wife will sacrifice himself for her. The authority of Christ, and therefore the authority of a husband and father, is not a human, fleshly authority. It is not one person lording it over others. It is a divine and spiritual authority which is rooted in the sacrifice of one’s self. If the husband enters into a calling for which he is fit, and earns a modest income, it is no disgrace in the eyes of God to live simply, within that income.

A husband who loves his wife will care for her spiritual welfare. His first concern is that she be rightly related to the Lord. No minister has any right of spiritual counsel or authority over a woman against her husband’s will. The head of a family has to give an account for the state of his household.

A husband who loves his wife will go the way of the cross before her. He shows by example what it means to die to self. When an argument flares up in a marriage, it is the husband’s place first to humble himself and beg forgiveness for whatever was wrong in his behaviour. In this situation a husband does not judge his wife’s sin, and above all does not calculate what effect his repentance might have upon her. He simply goes the way of the cross by denying self, giving up his own rights, because this is God’s call to him as a husband. As the spiritual head of the family, the husband and father must be the first to repent. 

A husband who loves his wife will exercise authority in humility. He should see authority not as his right, but as his duty. Let whatever is done in his house be done according to his will, for the responsibility of it rests upon him. Though he has authority and responsibility over all that takes place within the family, the husband must fully respect his wife’s sphere of duty and competence. In this sphere it is his place to provide broad oversight, leaving the immediate responsibility and authority in her hands.

When Scripture demands that wives be treated tenderly, and honoured as joint-heirs of the grace of life, it adds the warning to the husband, “That your prayers be not hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).

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